Warning this page is not for sensitive Homo Sapiens
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Due to the poor treatment and strong indifference humans display toward Hedgeapples, Mr Hedgeapple has developed a poor attitude toward all of humanity.
Cracked FAQ about Hedgeapples with answers for you humans from the head hedgeapple himself, Mr Hedgeapple!
Didn't I hear your band (The Hedgeapples) at Woodstock? The renown Hedgeapple band did not form until after Woodstock. You probably woke up stoned in a hedgerow at Woodstock
How many Belarusian rubles will a hedgeapple be worth on June 5, 1999?
Be more specific, the all knowing Hedgeapple can not answer that question until you tell him what time of day on June 5, 1999?
How do I enter my team in the Hedgeapple games? Sorry Charlie, the Hedgeapple games are only for top-notch athletes. Don't even think about bribery; this ain't the Olympics!
Do you have any good hedgeapple recipes?
Yes us hedgeapples have a favorite, start a 3 foot diameter caldron of water boiling, add a pinch of salt and throw in one of you Hominids!
What is the half-life of a hedgeapple? Rub it in, you long-lived humans!
What time is the best time of year to order my hedgeapple Xmas ornaments?
Ornaments are usually half priced after xmas, but you will never see the stylish hedgeapple on the shelves that long.
Where is the nearest hedgeapple-golf course? Just look for the course that has a bunch of broken irons and woods lying around.
Are there any hedgeapple bowling leagues nearby? There are many. However, I don't think you would want to go. Instead of pins we use you puny humans!
Which wine goes best with a hedgeapple? The whine "I wiissh I didn'ttt eattt the whole thing!"
On what holiday do you bob for hedgeapples? If you bob for this hedgeapple, it will be your last holiday!
How many colors do your hedgeapple earrings come in? Color doesn't make any difference; they usually turn the color of blood once you hang them on your ears.
I've heard of Cocklebur college. Is there a Hedgeapple High School? No, Hedgeapples don't need near as much schooling as those slow learning cocky cockleburs.
Did Ben Franklin really invent the hedgeapple? Franklin was a fake and never invented anything. A hedgeapple flew that kite in the storm.
Was it really a hedge-apple that fell on Isaac Newton's head? He would have become a vegetable if it had been a hedgeapple!
Hedgeapple pie. Yum Yum! Hmmm Hmmm, human pot pie is better.
Are hedgeapple shoes made by a hedgeapple cobbler? What are shoes? My webmaster has not found any shoes for me yet.
Is there a hedgeapple support group? No, not since the Neanderthals exterminated themselves sniffing hedgeapples.
Is the hedgeapple really the mascot of a Wall St.daytrader group? Sure enough, he has been their hedge against inflation.
Do hedgeapples really repel lawyers? Yes they do and all other types of insects!
I took all of the above questions from the 2nd entry in the Hedgeapple Guestbook. Thanks George Wayne! It appears you have almost as much time on your hands as this webmaster.
Would you like to see Mr. Hedgeapple's two holer? Click here
Be sure and view the entire picture from the top to the bottom!
with answers for you humans from the head hedgeapple himself, Mr Hedgeapple!